Shameless
by AroundTheClock
Summary: I learned, at an early age, that no matter how handsome a boy may be or how good it looked when his hips swayed, lips could lie. RL/SB


I learned, at an early age, that no matter how handsome a boy may be or how good it looked when his hips swayed, lips could lie. Be it unintentional or intentional, it hurts either way. It messes up your conscious and subconscious mind. It messes up the way you view others, even if they aren't the ones who had done it to you. My mother drilled this into me after she found out where my father had been when he was supposed to be working 'overtime'. He had been in the arms of another woman, feeding her chocolate and lies.

My mother tried to convince me that I didn't need a man. She said that I needed to be strong and take care of myself.

Somehow, one of the many lectures must've slipped past me, and I fell in love during my last year in Hogwarts.

I had always known, deep down in that small portion of the subconscious that everyone ignores, that it was inevitable. But when it happened, I couldn't believe it. I refused to leave my dormitory in fear that I'd bump into him. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I was convinced that he would ruin my life and break my heart into thousands of pieces. I'm quite positive he noticed. He took to asking me how I was whenever he found me and getting a house elf to sneak food up to my dormitory. But we were friends. I had expected all of this from him.

Almost nothing he did during my reclusive period surprised me. What DID surprise me, however, was what he did when I confessed to him my feelings. Instead of passing it off as some joke and pretending to forget all about it, he swept me up into his arms and gave me a long, slow, deep kiss. One thing led to another and…well. You get the picture.

For months afterwards, I was the happiest I had been my entire life. I loved him and he loved me back. It was that simple.

It wasn't always easy, of course. We were considered the 'unconventional' couple. Several jealous girls tried to break us apart, saying that they were the only ones for him. A few boys even came up to us in tears, saying that he had broken their hearts.

It was a difficult thing to go through, all of those exes of his almost lining up to have a go at me. But we got through it and, at the risk of sounding cliché, everything that didn't kill us only made the bond between us grow stronger. For almost half of the school year, we were absolutely inseparable.

But then, all of the trouble started.

I began to notice him flirting with other people. It was very subtle at first: a chuckle here, a slight brush of the hand there. It was almost unnoticeable, and I chalked it up to my imagination getting to me and forgot about it.

I knew in my heart, though, that those flirtations were the beginning of the end for this relationship. I stood back and watched as they got more and more obvious, and I felt the jealousy and hurt building inside of me. But I didn't bring it to his attention. When we were together, he would be like he always was, and I was almost able to forget it all. Almost…until that night.

It was while Lily and I were out on Prefect rounds. She had brought him up as an inquiry. It was just an innocent question ("So…you two seem to be getting along fine. How is he?"), but it was the wrench that opened the flood gate. I poured my heart out to her. All of the hurt feelings, the anger, the worry that I wasn't good enough, everything came shooting out before I could close my mouth and stop it. But she just kept walking with me and listening. As we walked, I felt tears begin to pour down my cheeks and I quickly began to swipe ferociously at them, trying to mask it. But she noticed.

"You know, James says that he really loves you," she said slowly, playing with her ponytail. "You're all he talks about."

"Really?" I looked at her, still trying to stop crying.

"I wouldn't lie about that, and neither would Ja- do you hear something?"

There was a slight thumping noise coming from a nearby broom cupboard.

"Another couple. When will they learn when curfew is?" Lily and I laughed as I swung open the door, preparing to deduct the appropriate amount of points, but my voice died in my throat. The couple in the cupboard didn't notice us and continued their heavy snogging session as Lily and I looked on in horror.

"S-Sirius?" I managed to choke out after a few moments. Sirius and the girl broke apart, gasping for breath.

"Oh god…look, I can explain-"  
"Sirius Black!" Lily exploded as I shrank back, trying my hardest to bite back the sobs trying to claw their way out.

"How could you? Have you no shame? Look at what you've done to him!"

She began to chew him out, not letting him say a word. The rant seemed to go on forever, and when she finished, he began to speak.

"Look, please just let me explain-"

"Sirius."

He shut up immediately, looking at me with a wide-eyed, innocent look that usually would've made me melt. Not today.

"How long?" I sighed, rubbing my forehead and fighting for control. He bit his lip before answering.

"2 months."

I was floored. 2 months? Oh my God. I stood there for a moment before turning around and darting away. I heard him jump to his feet and race after me, calling my name, but I just sped up. He wouldn't stop, though, and followed me until we got to the dormitory. As I stopped to catch my breath, he placed his hand on my shoulder gently.

"R-"

"Don't talk to me," I snarled, not turning to face him. I knew he would be shocked, but I didn't care. The sadness had dissipated, and anger was taking its place.

"Why, Sirius? Was I not good enough? No, don't answer that," I stopped him. "I already know. You were tired of pretending, weren't you? You wanted to go out with birds again, and all I was was just a way to get your fix until you could continue with the other girls. Well, guess what?"

I finally turned to face him, my face getting red and my eyes narrowing to slits.

"I'm done. WE'RE done. No more. Finished. O-V-E-R."

And with that, I raced up the stairs, leaving him standing there, his jaw settled against his chest.

But before I slammed the door shut, I heard him say, in a broken voice, "I really do love you, Remus."

A/N: This is first in a series called, 'Lyrical Love and Lies.' It's just a bunch of oneshots based off of songs I like, and they'll all come together in one story. If you have any ideas for songs to use, I would be glad to hear them. PM me or send them in a comment.

Yours truly,

AroundTheClock


End file.
